~End~

Forgive me for being tardy.

The last entree for my blog:

Tranquil is the open sky,

Fragrant is the scent of petals,

Beautiful, the stars lit from high,

Hiding the signs of incoming battles.

To be given the chance of writing this blog/journal was not a first time as I was called to do so when I was much much younger. Obviously my younger self had not taken the trouble to do so and thus I've forgotten many of my past memories. With this compilation, I can always look back at my last year of school knowing what have I been through whether it is the pain, or the happiness. Maybe the poems that I write may not seem much to any passerby, but each of them mean something significant to me. Its a way of me expressing how I feel and I think that it will remind me of what I felt during that point of time in my life. So, I wish to take this chance to thank my English teacher, Pn Monica for giving me the chance again to write something like this.

I notice that some of my classmates write about what they think of others on their last entree but I will not continue in that similar fashion. If you still want my opinion on you, come and ask me and I'll tell it to you straight ^_^. Anyways, to begin with, my year has many ups and downs and if you notice the latest posts, the depression is steadily increasing. I like any other human being has problems to bear but somehow, I have been feeling really fake nowadays. It feels like everywhere and anywhere I go aside from bathing and sleeping, I wear a mask so thick that it is impossible to peel off. My sense of direction in life is off course, and I just feel dead nearly every day. What I hope to achieve with my constant ranting of mine is to maybe shoulder my burden off if only for a few moments or so.

The time now to be depressed is far from being the best as my exams draw nearer every passing second. Somehow, my will is being slowly destroyed. I am lost, trapped in my own world. I keep thinking to myself, what do I really want in life, and somehow, I have yet to find the answer. Maybe this is that people call, an identity crisis. I really really hope that I find my true calling really, really soon, for fear of me going mad. This lost sense of direction is slowly eating away at my identity and someday I fear I will just be a husk of my former self devoid of any feeling. I pray that I can find my answer as soon as possible. God Help Me.

My prayer as thus:

I confess,

My life is a mess,

God please save me,

And make me,

The man you meant me to be.

6th ~ 12th August

Burn, rot, decay,

Tongue of mine say,

Death doom despair,

In life's gloom share.

This week, there was a number of events which I was present in. To begin with, this is my last week being a student in a school's Taekwando class. Admittedly, I have rarely been to class ever since Form 2 which was the year I singed up for Taekwando but, this year, I had successfully attended all but one of the Taekwando classes. Truthfully, it was fun and enjoyable so I questioned myself, why did I not commit to this when I was Form 2. The closest answer I could get was that I had no friends who go Taekwando during Form 2 till 4 and usually after the first few lessons or so I would stop. This year however, I met friends in Taekwando which really helped me love this club. The instructors, and my friends there were a friendly bunch and I wish that these memories remain.

Besides that, it was also the last week of CF 2012 and the last time I attended CF as a student again. Following my old trend, I used to skip CF when I was Form 2 and 3 but since Form 4, I made a huge improvement in my attendance to CF and again I made many more new friends along the way.

Lastly, on Saturday, it was a really busy day for me. I went out on a trip with my church's cell group to Bukit Cahaya which the whole journey there and back was from 7a.m. till 3.p.m. It was a fun time we had playing our cell group's usual games and walking in the huge area till we were exhausted. Afterwards, we headed to Citta Mall for lunch before returning to our homes. Continuing on, my day did not end there as I attended Wei Fai's birthday party from 5.30a.m. up till 11.15p.m. I had a great time there playing with water balloons and water in general having the feeling of being young again as we energetically splashed anyone in nearby vicinity.

Trudge, break, fall,

Hear the fire's call,

Destroy, vanquish,

On Death's silver dish.

23rd July ~ 5th August

I remember not what I have done,

Memory done and gone,

All the cries, fears, and fun,

And damn my needed mourn.

My heart beats like a candle's wick

When the wind blows,

Out goes the stick,

And the whisper of the fading glow.

Death has come for a friend of mine,

Embracing him as he did with others,

Holy is the land he goes, so divine,

May he be with the souls of our forefathers.

Cry my friend for love has forsaken,

The wails of the damned, piecing the wind,

The scars on the heart, bonds be broken,

The lost of hope, a deadly fiend. 

The tunnel filled with darkness,

The end nowhere in sight,

And death willing, embraces,

Till when, thy shining light?