The roots grow forevermore ~

Hmm, I'm awake now at 2.30 in the morning with nothing much to do. Thus I have decided to blog.

I wish for the future to come. Recently I have just seen an anime which was introduced by a friend of mine. The name of it is Sword Art Online and honestly, I really like this anime. The anime starts off as a new video game being sold but this one is a VMMORPG which is a role-playing game but the person actually goes into the game. The problem arises when players are unable to log out of the game and when they lose all their hit points in the game, they actually die in real life too. This is not really an altogether new genre of anime being shown but the storyline of this story is really good and they play with emotions really well. It has many morbid endings which usually end up in people being killed but it also shows human's inner personality. Usually these feelings of humans are always kept in the heart but when given the chance emerge as terrible as a monster and will wreck havoc around others. This anime also hows to appreciate life in all forms whether its in the game, or in real life as well. The point where people are able to go into games and be the characters themselves, that is the dream of many gamers. Thus, I wish for the future.

Reel me in if you dare,

I will dance away lightly,

Enclose in a cage,

I return with a vengeance,

~End~

Forgive me for being tardy.

The last entree for my blog:

Tranquil is the open sky,

Fragrant is the scent of petals,

Beautiful, the stars lit from high,

Hiding the signs of incoming battles.

To be given the chance of writing this blog/journal was not a first time as I was called to do so when I was much much younger. Obviously my younger self had not taken the trouble to do so and thus I've forgotten many of my past memories. With this compilation, I can always look back at my last year of school knowing what have I been through whether it is the pain, or the happiness. Maybe the poems that I write may not seem much to any passerby, but each of them mean something significant to me. Its a way of me expressing how I feel and I think that it will remind me of what I felt during that point of time in my life. So, I wish to take this chance to thank my English teacher, Pn Monica for giving me the chance again to write something like this.

I notice that some of my classmates write about what they think of others on their last entree but I will not continue in that similar fashion. If you still want my opinion on you, come and ask me and I'll tell it to you straight ^_^. Anyways, to begin with, my year has many ups and downs and if you notice the latest posts, the depression is steadily increasing. I like any other human being has problems to bear but somehow, I have been feeling really fake nowadays. It feels like everywhere and anywhere I go aside from bathing and sleeping, I wear a mask so thick that it is impossible to peel off. My sense of direction in life is off course, and I just feel dead nearly every day. What I hope to achieve with my constant ranting of mine is to maybe shoulder my burden off if only for a few moments or so.

The time now to be depressed is far from being the best as my exams draw nearer every passing second. Somehow, my will is being slowly destroyed. I am lost, trapped in my own world. I keep thinking to myself, what do I really want in life, and somehow, I have yet to find the answer. Maybe this is that people call, an identity crisis. I really really hope that I find my true calling really, really soon, for fear of me going mad. This lost sense of direction is slowly eating away at my identity and someday I fear I will just be a husk of my former self devoid of any feeling. I pray that I can find my answer as soon as possible. God Help Me.

My prayer as thus:

I confess,

My life is a mess,

God please save me,

And make me,

The man you meant me to be.

6th ~ 12th August

Burn, rot, decay,

Tongue of mine say,

Death doom despair,

In life's gloom share.

This week, there was a number of events which I was present in. To begin with, this is my last week being a student in a school's Taekwando class. Admittedly, I have rarely been to class ever since Form 2 which was the year I singed up for Taekwando but, this year, I had successfully attended all but one of the Taekwando classes. Truthfully, it was fun and enjoyable so I questioned myself, why did I not commit to this when I was Form 2. The closest answer I could get was that I had no friends who go Taekwando during Form 2 till 4 and usually after the first few lessons or so I would stop. This year however, I met friends in Taekwando which really helped me love this club. The instructors, and my friends there were a friendly bunch and I wish that these memories remain.

Besides that, it was also the last week of CF 2012 and the last time I attended CF as a student again. Following my old trend, I used to skip CF when I was Form 2 and 3 but since Form 4, I made a huge improvement in my attendance to CF and again I made many more new friends along the way.

Lastly, on Saturday, it was a really busy day for me. I went out on a trip with my church's cell group to Bukit Cahaya which the whole journey there and back was from 7a.m. till 3.p.m. It was a fun time we had playing our cell group's usual games and walking in the huge area till we were exhausted. Afterwards, we headed to Citta Mall for lunch before returning to our homes. Continuing on, my day did not end there as I attended Wei Fai's birthday party from 5.30a.m. up till 11.15p.m. I had a great time there playing with water balloons and water in general having the feeling of being young again as we energetically splashed anyone in nearby vicinity.

Trudge, break, fall,

Hear the fire's call,

Destroy, vanquish,

On Death's silver dish.

23rd July ~ 5th August

I remember not what I have done,

Memory done and gone,

All the cries, fears, and fun,

And damn my needed mourn.

My heart beats like a candle's wick

When the wind blows,

Out goes the stick,

And the whisper of the fading glow.

Death has come for a friend of mine,

Embracing him as he did with others,

Holy is the land he goes, so divine,

May he be with the souls of our forefathers.

Cry my friend for love has forsaken,

The wails of the damned, piecing the wind,

The scars on the heart, bonds be broken,

The lost of hope, a deadly fiend. 

The tunnel filled with darkness,

The end nowhere in sight,

And death willing, embraces,

Till when, thy shining light?

16th ~ 22nd July

Grotesque it may be.

The roar of the thunder

The maw cracked asunder,

The lightning born of fire,

The warning that heeds dire.

This week, many things happened. For a first, I walked in the pouring rain again on Monday which was probably the heaviest rain I walked in yet. As if it couldn't be any worse, more than one car splashed jets of water showering me and further drenching me. It was a wonder that somehow I did not fall sick at all eventhough for the next two and a half hours I was in an air-conditioned room.

Besides that, Hari Kerjaya was held this week for the Form 5 students. Even though I had gone through this two times before in the past two years, the Form 5 experience was different as we had talks from the people of different colleges. I am truly grateful for the people who have procured this event just for the Form 5 students and I can only imagine how much work had to be done in order to accomplish this huge event. It was probably no mean feat gathering so many colleges from all around and asking them to come over to DJ to give talks and to advertise their each colleges. With this year's  Hari Kerjaya, I believe I know what I want to do or go in the future even more so that what I think I did in the past.

The last event that happened this week was that i had a celebratory lunch at Umai-ya in Damansara Utama. It was to celebrate our victory in the Law Olympiad 2012 and also to celebrate Pei Ming's birthday. 10 of us showed up at this particular restaurant which a reservation was made sometime this week. We payed for a Japanese buffet restaurant which meant that we could order as much sushi, meat or whatever tickled our fancy whenever we liked to. The payment was pretty expensive though the damage it did to my wallet will be reduced from the prize money that I will receive from the Olympiad thing. After the heavy lunch, 8 of us headed to One Utama courtesy of Pei Ming's parents who kindly provided the transport we needed. There we watched Batman and it was pretty good I think because seeing as I have never watched any of the previous Batman shows, it was a little bit confusing for me especially at the start. Anyways, once the introductions and the plot settled I could pretty much get the gist of the movie.

The stars transcend their beauty,

The moon wafts overhead,

Once it is in the gully,

It shall finally be pronounced dead.

9th ~ 15th July

The reason is.

The enigma which surround,

The void of the empty ground,

Lasting an appearance so blight,

Revealing the most ugly sight.

This week, though there was Sports Day, it was a pretty relaxing week for me. I think this is because I have skipped two days of school and Friday there wasn't much studying going on anyways. In Sports Day, I was reminded again never to take off my shoes when running on the track that is, if I ever get the chance to run again next time. My race was a relay race of 100m and sadly my team got 4th which didn't qualify for the medal. Anyhow, my feet were hurting badly because not only was the ground rough, but the wet rain just somehow increased the pain. After Sports Day, I walked home as usual and stopping by the newly constructed Paradigm Mall for lunch and to wait for the rain to stop.   The mall was okay I guess because I did not really explore it fully as I just ate lunch and continued home.

Other than that, on Sunday, I watched Spiderman and the movie was pretty exciting filled with action but a little bit predictable. I watched this movie with Wei Fai, Adam and Adam's friend which I don't remember his name. Anyways after the movie, Wei Fai's parents drove me to The Club nearby which had many different facilities all for the purpose of exercising or relaxation. I first went to play badminton for a good hour or so then I visited the gym which was filled with confusing gadgets which I have no knowledge how to use at all because it was my first time in a gym. Luckily, the machines were all user-friendly and I was able to figure out how to operate most of the machines there.

The fall, the crawl,

Of an insect so dull,

The flight, the speed,

Of the noblest steed.

2nd ~ 8th July

The flowing river carries me.

All shalt be torn asunder,

If thou shalt surrender,

Lift up thy head and smile,

Fill this world with laughter.

This week, things were abuzz, you can see students in school rushing about, going on their own individual business whether it is choir, cheer, marching or some other stuff. For me, it was running on Tuesday which we had 'saringan'. Needless to say, I did not do really well but still, the memory of running for my house since Form 1 till now has been a memorable experience for me. I still have to run for the following week's Sport's Day and I really hope to get a position this time since its a relay race.

Other than that, our school this week carried out the annual 'Library Week'. The theme for this year was about traditional games which people used to play long time ago. Some of these games have either died out or evolved to fit this current era. It was a learning experience for me and I really appreciate the amount of work the librarians did by fulfilling their duties and catering to students of every class as well as setting up this event.

Besides that, I attended the Law Olympiad 2012 in HELP. I was actually just a substitute for someone else because she had to pull out for reasons of her own. Anyways, it was a great experience and somehow, my team managed to get first place out of the twenty teams, including us, who entered this competition. We basically wrote answers to the questions they gave us. There was four games which we played. The first game was about aliens which ruled earth and decided to take five human rights away from us and participants had to choose which five rights, out of ten choices, to give up. The next game is playing detective which participants were required to identify the guilty person and provide reasons as well. The third game was general knowledge from quotes, places, science, maths, and idioms. The last game was playing judge which we had to be a judge give the call whether who is in the right or wrong and provide reasons. After the games, they acted out for us a mock trial where we got to see how is a trial actually carried out.

Fault of mine,

Break the shrine,

Bestow upon me,

And let me see.